


You're All I See In All These Places

by CatcherOfFictionalDreams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, trans!kenma, transgender kenma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatcherOfFictionalDreams/pseuds/CatcherOfFictionalDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Kenma's dysphoria increases, he finds comfort in Kuroo, his childhood friend who was always there to remind him that his manliness was valid and real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're All I See In All These Places

**Author's Note:**

> Whoa, so I'm now Haikyuu!! trash, and as I watched Haikyuu!! and saw the kickass Kenma for the first time, I thought of him as a transgender character, hence where this fic sprouted from. 
> 
> Please enjoy (and maybe cry a little bit too).

_Soft breezes brushed the silky strands of hair that had always been too long. Now they died at the hairline, leaving clear skin beneath. The human chest had never felt so comfortable, so normal. Skin coated the skeleton and nothing disturbed the utter peace that was felt. This is what it was meant to feel like. This was how everyone else felt. Comfortable, cosy in one's own skin. If only everyone was born the right way..._

Cruelly loud beeping disturbed Kenma's eardrums, waking him up from the best dream he'd had in his whole life. Sighing, he reminded himself it was only a dream by glancing in the mirror. Lengthy hair that almost touched his shoulders, two lumps of fat still stubbornly remaining on his chest no matter how many times he cursed at it. And of course, the way his clothes looked. Crimson bottoms that contained no bulge were the sign of utter despair that Kenma was in fact still a female. No amount of dreaming could make the female exterior evaporate to reveal the real Kenma; the male within.

Holding back tears of resentment for his own body, Kenma dressed quickly, not daring to look in the mirror as he pulled off the singlet he'd slept in and tugged a light grey sports bra over his head. Of course, it only lessened the largeness of Kenma's chest by a margin, but he'd never had a big bust anyway. Nekoma's uniform followed, covering Kenma's desperation to escape his dysphoria.

_I'm still a female. I'm still a female. I'm still a female._

With a piece of toast in hand, Kenma escaped the seemingly claustrophobic atmosphere of his home and began to walk the streets that he'd come to be so familiar with. When he'd first run away from home at eight, grabbing his school bag and stuffing it with snacks and clothes; literally running down the street trying to escape the thoughts pursuing him. When he'd sneak out to Kuroo's place at two o'clock in the morning when Kenma was lying awake staring at the ceiling with tears pooling and rolling down his cheeks, begging himself to hold on and wait for his dreams to come true. Kuroo had always been there to confirm that Kenma was the manliest man he knew.

"Ah, Kenma!" Kuroo skipped towards Kenma, and he tried to pretend he didn't notice, staying 'absorbed' in his game. He'd died countless times while trying to defeat the second boss. Gender-related thoughts always disturbed his gaming streak.

"Volleyball practice is today, remember?" Kuroo leaned back against the wall just as their train pulled in. "Don't forget, Kenma!"

Rolling his eyes, Kenma focused his attention less and less on the game he was supposed to be playing as he attempted to navigate through the crowd and stick with Kuroo.

As the train exited the station, the duo sat in silence. Kenma finally looked up after three stops to glance at his friend. "I never forget," he muttered.

"Don't your thumbs get sore?" Kuroo yawned, gesturing vaguely at Kenma's game. "With all your _pew pew_ -ing?"

Glaring at Kuroo, Kenma shook his head. "It's calming, I guess."

"Calming? It's so frustrating though with all the bosses and levels and skills that you need to obtain!" Kuroo blurted out, gesturing wildly like someone miming strangulation.

"It's just another daily distraction for me, Kuroo," Kenma replied nonchalantly, countering Kuroo's passionate behaviour with a blank face.

"Distraction from-?" Kuroo's breath caught, and he looked out the window behind them. "Oh..."

"Kuroo, I-" Kenma was about to share the information of his glorious dream, when the train stopped and Kuroo rose.

_We're at our station already?_

Everyday seemed to drag out for Kenma, but today was mostly a blur. He walked the halls in utter bliss; the shadow of his dream tailing him wherever he went. Volleyball practice approached way too fast for Kenma's brain to register, but suddenly he was setting the ball for his teammates while encouraging them.

"Well done, Lev," Kenma almost choked as the words came out. Lev? Huh, well that was a new sentence.

Agony pierced through Kenma's gut, and he keeled over, clutching his abdominal area with eyes squeezed shut. Quickly going into the fatal position, Kenma felt salt water on his cheeks once more for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it meant he'd gotten his period, which of course meant that it was a reminder of how much of a female Kenma still was. Teammates who always looked collected on the court now looked skittish in the presence of this reminder of Kenma's sex. However Kuroo strolled briskly towards Kenma and helped him up, escorting him to the male bathroom outside the gym. Before Kenma could remind Kuroo that he wasn't allowed in that particular restroom yet, Kuroo spoke soothingly to him.

"I'm sorry about them," Kuroo shook his head slightly, propelling Kenma into the bathroom and one of its many cubicles. "I thought they were getting used to you being different, but they're just being ignorant jer-"

"Kuroo, it's not their fault," Kenma's reply was soft and barely audible.

"It's not yours either!"

"I never said it was, Kuroo."

_Yep, blood. God, why did this have to happen after such an uplifting dream?_

"You're right, it's God's fault, that bastard." Curses escaped Kuroo's lips, and although the Kenma knew his reaction would be unseen, he still caught his eyes rolling in exasperation; this of course was followed by a muffled giggle at Kuroo's tone.

"Do you need any help?' The offer was uneasy, and Kuroo was clearly not fully comfortable with his own inquiry; that probably explained the not-so-subtle sigh of relief he let out after Kenma declined it.

_I feel like I'm wearing a diaper._

Kenma finally waddled out of the cubicle, trying to adjust to the new object between his legs. Kuroo stifled a chuckle at Kenma's expression of concentration and his arms waving in time with his waddling.

"Stop staring like an idiot, Kuroo," Kenma muttered, clearly interrupting the taller boy's thoughts on who-knows-what. "We've already missed some practice, and therefore more of Lev's 'I'm Nekoma's ace' bullshit."

After a brief internal debate, Kenma added the latter sentence, knowing it would draw a smile on Kuroo's face as though it was made of permanent marker. Images of Lev's ramblings and Taketora's retaliations flashed into both boy's heads as they re-entered the gym.

Before they entered the doors to the gym, Kuroo abruptly grasped Kenma's shoulders and glared down into his eyes, and Kenma knew what was coming.

"You're stronger than you think, you know?" Kuroo's eyes seemed to dare Kenma to disagree so that he could continue to act like the motherly dork he was. "You're the manliest man on our team, Kenma. You know why? Because none of us have had to deal with what you've dealt with for so long, and what you're still dealing with now." The grip Kuroo had on Kenma tightened quickly. "You won't have to deal with it forever though Kenma, I promise you that."

"Mhm," Kenma only trusted his voice with a little volume at this moment as his thoughts collided in his mind.

_Manliest man... What you've dealt with for so long... Won't have to deal with it forever... I promise..._

Nekoma's volleyball club members promptly formed a line and bowed as the duo entered.

"Sumimasen, Kenma-san,' they chorused before standing tall once more and following Kuroo's lead onto the volleyball court to continue the day's practice.


End file.
